received from a friend who works at a newspaper:

Subject: community police blotter.

A suspect struck a victim in the face with a one-liter glass bottle. The victim was hanging out with the suspect having a few drinks when his mood changed.

nice work, suspect! A for effort, but all in all, a little JV, wouldn't you say?

tilda's tip: i know it's hard to think clearly in the heat of the moment, but always try to add insult to injury. next time, consider emptying whatever you're drinking onto the victim's pants before striking him across the face with the bottle.