i realize that i had neglected to finish the tale of my neighbor, but hey - I've been busy going on vacation and patronizing godawful clubs and such.

but i'm back. i think i hadn't even gotten to the good part yet, which is where mr. neighbor strode down the hall after me one day when I went to take my trash down to the trash chute. on my way back, he stopped me and said, "did i talk to you the other day?" i said, "no" and tried to keep walking. he said, "where do you live?" i pointed vaguely down the hall and said, "there." he said, "but where exactly?" i relented and pointed to my door. he got closer and said, "you know you're slamming that door over and over? you're creating a huge issue in this apartment building. just the other day, that lady [he points to a door two doors down from mine and ACROSS THE HALL] had some pictures fall off her wall because of you. no one else is going around slamming their door in here!" i just look at him and say, "i really don't think i'm slamming my door [BECAUSE I'M NOT], but i apologize if i am" and start walking away. he gets slightly more irate and says, "oh yes you are! the other day, that door probably slammed thirty times! you're really creating a hazard in this building!" i say, "right right - sorry" and go in my apartment to avoid further bizarre interaction. i actually have no idea what he is talking about, because i'm certainly not slamming my door when i leave.

later that day as i'm in my apartment, i realize that the door across the hall from me, which leads to the stairwell, slams somewhat frequently, though i never noticed it or cared about it before.

i thought the saga had ended (although i occasionally now would sneak out my door and go into the stairwell, slamming the door behind me to be difficult). but it had not.

the day i was moving out, my parents and edward were helping me carry things down to edward's car. we were being careful to shut the door as quietly as possible, but occasionally when you are carrying things, the door shuts behind you [though NOT REALLY THAT LOUDLY]. i missed the final coup de grace, but here it is.

apparently, edward came out the door on his way down to the car and when the door shut behind him, my neighbor popped out of his door. he said, "you have GOT to stop slamming that door!" edward protested that he hadn't done that and said we were moving out and would be gone the next week anyway. the man got slightly more belligerent and said that was good, since i had been nothing but "trouble" for the past year. at that, edward said that he got mad for the second time in recent memory [apparently the backseat bitchening doesn't count] and got in the guy's face and said, "you need to back down!!!!" and mr. neighbor, though surprised and taken aback, responded, "you need to stop slamming the door!" they sparred verbally back and forth in that manner until my dad came out of the apartment and witnessed this and tried to defuse the situation. at which point the guy looked at them and said, "fuck you!" and retreated into his apartment.

i made sure to slam the door a few times after that, but never saw him again! FUN FUN.

typically i leave those to edward, but it needed to be said that michelle obama is awesome.

of course, i'm not sure that really counts as a political statement, but hey ...