a picture for brad.

• why does the search link on the left take me to some random-ass page?

• why can't i have a pretty, feminine color for the line under my name like brad does?

hey edward - you nudged me to start posting again - you have only yourself to blame

so. i left off where neighbor dude made little impression other than to depress the hell out of me.

that all changed one night (for those who know the story, it was the new jersey and r night). i was coming inside, completely sober, carrying a drunken friend who i had just rescued from the police. it was probably somewhere around 1 am. said friend was barely conscious and definitely outweighed me, so i was struggling.

just as i got to the front door of my building, i started to reach for my keys, but then saw someone coming out and thought he'd hold the door for us. it was mr. neighbor. i'd been living next door to him for 2 years, so i kind of thought he'd recognize me.

but no.

he walked out, shut the door behind him and stood in front of the door, blocking our entrance. he chanted at me, "no key, no entry! no key, no entry!"

despite his slightly bizarre and rude behavior, i politely thanked for his diligence in protecting the building from invasion by roaming miscreants (and wow - we did look pretty dangerous) and fished my key out.

as i unlocked the door, he stepped aside to light up a cigarette. he stared at me and my friend and said in a very disgusted and disapproving voice, "wow. he's REALLY drunk." then he smirked (sneered?) at me as i pulled my friend in the door.

so his talents appear to center around building security and stating the obvious. oh ... and leading a tireless crusade against noise pollution.

up next.

do i use whatever's left over after making the downpayment next week to buy a scooba?

i'm sorry ... questions as intriguing as these come up when edward is making me watch a completely boring "action" movie, which features the worst acting i've seen this week.

i rent in kind of a mediocre condo building and know exactly none of my neighbors by name, which is fine by me. however, one i know on sight is a dude who lives next to me. before i get into my ill-advised story, which edward will probably chide me for writing, i will provide a brief synopsis of what i know about mr. neighbor:

• despite being approximately early middle-aged, he seems to be at home during the day every day - this has been the case since i've lived in the building

• his uniform consists of a dark t-shirt with its sleeves cut off. said shirt manages to expose an unsavory expanse of oddly tanned chest and is always paired with ratty shorts

• saw him cut in front of a huge line at the starbucks near my house so that he could get a refill of coffee in a gnarly paper starbucks cup that he carries around when he's outside the apartment building

• his hair looks like it would rather be gnawing down trees to build a dam

to top it off, his social skills appear to be rudimentary at best. as opposed to mine, which are whatever the next level above rudimentary is.