dunno why i'm too stupid to link to the pictures exactly, but you can get an exact replica of your eyeballs made into working lights.

go to products --> lights.

the motto of this website should be changed from the pretentious latin tagline to "i'm not a frakking blog".

why? because it's damned referential, that's why.

what does it reference, you ask?

• edward's perpetual response to complaints that functions of said not-a-blog don't work

• those horribly tacky anya hindmarch bags that i hate almost as much as i hate all louis vuitton bags ever created, which remind me of those awful esprit sweatshirts i had in middle school that blared "ESPRIT" across the front. LV products speak to the same principles that i was operating under was when i was 13 (or brad at current age).

• a certain show loved by mega-nerds, which would also meta-reference the fact that the name of this website is uber-dorky (ps - i refuse to spell it "Web site", because although that's right, it's also just flat-out wrong)

i have decided i'm incredibly tired and need a vacation immediately.

see? i have nothing to say! proof.

that's right, craiglist f**kers! you're so predictably enraging, i don't know why you still get me worked up every time.

what happens to me when i post something for sale on craigslist?

• 4-6 people contact me insisting they're going to buy what i posted. i wait at home at the appointed time and they never show up.

• 3-5 people insist they're going to buy something, turn up, and then say, "hm ... well, um, i need to think about it..." and leave

• 1-2 try to bargain me down to an idiotic price ... "oh, so you're asking $100 ... but would you take ... FIVE????"

invariably, none of them ever calls back.

so what do i do to counter these flaky tactics? i fight fire with fire and make arrangements with multiple people each night to come look at whatever i'm selling. i do explain that i'm showing it to multiple people. i tell everyone i'll call them if it gets purchased. and what happens?

i sell something. i email or call people to tell them.

there's always one person who goes completely ape and insists that i had promised it to them and they've already started driving from fredericksburg in a car they rented just for the occasion and i'm nothing but a gigantic ball of evil. invariably, this is for an item of almost no value. the most recent incident involved a $25 CD rack. the one before that was a $10 ottoman from bed, bath & beyond that wasn't worth the money it took to make 3 phone calls to bitch me out.

i should quit now, but god, how i love their sweet, sweet cash.