I love 11th St. From returning home late at night and being accosted by prostitutes to the fun of walking to work each morning and discovering people in need of help, there's always something interesting going on here.

A couple days ago as I'm walking past the intersection of 11th and P St., I notice a piece of paper resting on the top of a fence with some writing on it. Curious, while the light was still red, I leaned over and examined it. Here you go:

It starts out so simply: a warning that there are some dangerous people around. I'm sure everyone's seen signs go up when muggings increase in a neighborhood. But quickly, the missive starts to get a little strange. Halfway through, I could barely keep from laughing at lines like:

They may appear conservative, but the woman is disturbed.

or my personal favorite,

They also eat.

Classic, eh? Today as I was walking into work, I passed by a tall man in a cowboy hat who seemed angry. He asked me if we were on the 1300 block of 11th St. I looked at the sign and told him yes. He then began to tell me a lengthy story about how he needed to find the Verizon office, and that the operator had told him to come here. I couldn't bear to tell him that it sounded like the operator had been annoyed with him and had sent him here as punishment. Don't screw with Verizon! They fight dirty...

Instead I tell him that the nearest Verizon office is on 14th and S. He ignores this statement and begins to tell me that he recently got divorced, and that he's been living by himself, and that his phone hasn't been working for months. And yet, he angrily said, Verizon charged him $109 for phone service despite the fact that his phone never rings! At this point I get a little frustrated because we've wasted 15 minutes and I'm already late, which is when the guy says, "Oh, hey, am I keeping you? I'm sorry."

I tell him, again about the Verizon office on 14th St. He listens this time and says he'll head over there immediately. As we leave he says, "Hey, I didn't get your name?" I tell him, and he replies, walking away "My Name's Joe! Thanks again for your help!"

Honestly, I hope Joe finds the Verizon people and lays into them. Without violence, of course. Too much Alabama courtroom drama this morning for that...

A hilarious SETI-story. Read it. Laugh. Get back to work.

So, over the past few days I've received a similar spam message (advertising cheap prescription drugs over the internets) from several different addresses. The best part is the names of the senders:

1. Whinnied H. Cogs
2. Searchers O. Blanking
3. Backbitten B. Preakness
4. Inhered P. Kidnaps
5. Exploiter D. Tush
6. Succeeded C. Passkeys

I love that all of them have fake middle initials. I'd really like to see the spamscript that generates each one. Are they supposed to be funny? Who knows? Clearly, anyone who opens an e-mail from "Exploiter D. Tush" has to expect problems...

As you can tell from the review below, I burned my lunch hour seeing the latest Ruscha exhibit with Fincher, then wasted some more time looking for "My Brother's Place" near the Department of Labor. Lost, we retreated to a slow-as-the-district-normally-is eatery on 3rd and E called 3rd and Eats. Despite the sloth of the employees, the food was actually quite tasty.

I realized, belatedly, that the gradient on the site itself is somewhat of an homage to that other Ed.

werkz advice: go check it out today!

"Cotton Puffs, Q-Tips®, Smoke and Mirrors: The Drawings of Ed Ruscha" is currently on exhibit at the National Gallery's West Wing. It covers a large amount of Ruscha's early drawings, but near the end displays several of his better known later works.

From one Ed to another, I've always loved Ruscha's work. The mixture of text, light, novel paints (gunpowder, anyone?) and gradients always leaves me feeling as if his work is almost too polished. It's a good feeling. The new exhibit showcases a large amount of work never before seen, pulled from all over the place.

At the end of the exhibit, I couldn't bring myself to purchase the $45 book that went with it....although I'd love to receive it as a gift.(Hint! Fincher! Hint!) Instead, I pocketed a small but thick $10 collection of a whole bunch of his work (over 500 pages!) in postcard sizes.

So in order to create the foreigners section of the website I decided I needed a cool way to create a list of nicknames. The first method that I thought of was, prisoner-style, just to have a bunch of cardinal numbers, like one, two, three, etc.

After a lengthy search, I realized that no one had created a php script to generate said cardinal numbers from regular numbers. This guy had made such a script using javascript, however, so all I had to do was port his version over to php.

I removed the ordinal numbering code for brevity's sake...the code below just takes one argument and returns its cardinal output. To see the script in action just head over here and plug in some numbers into the url. Easy, right?

The full code is posted below or you can just link to this copy:

$number = $_REQUEST['number'];

$wnums = array(
    0 => array('hundred','thousand','million','billion','trillion','zillion'),
    1 => array('one','first','ten','','th'),
    2 => array('two','second','twen',0,0),
    3 => array('three','third','thir',0,0),
    4 => array('four','fourth','for',0,0),
    5 => array('five','fifth','fif',0,0),
    6 => array('six','sixth',0,0,0),
    7 => array('seven','seventh',0,0,0),
    8 => array('eight','eighth','eigh',0,0),
    9 => array('nine','ninth',0,0,0),
    10 => array('ten'),
    11 => array('eleven'),
    12 => array('twelve','twelfth'),
    13 => array('thirteen'),
    14 => array('fourteen'),
    15 => array('fifteen'),
    16 => array('sixteen'),
    17 => array('seventeen'),
    18 => array('eighteen'),
    19 => array('nineteen'));

$numlength = strlen($number);
$mod = $numlength % 3;
$trip = ceil($numlength / 3);
for ($i = 0; $i < $trip; $i++) {
    if ($i == 0 and $mod != 0) {
        $begin = 0;
        $end = $mod;
        $subst = substr($number,($begin),($mod));
    } elseif ($i == 0) {
        $begin = $mod + (($i-1) * 3);
        $end = $mod - 1 + ($i * 3);
        $subst = substr($number,(0),(3));
    } elseif ($mod == 0) {
        $begin = ($i * 3);
        $end = 3;
        $subst = substr($number,($begin),($end));
    } else {
        $begin = $mod + (($i-1) * 3);
        $end = $mod - 1 + ($i * 3);
        $subst = substr($number,($begin),(3));
    }
    if ($subst != 0) {
        if (strlen($subst) > 2) { 
            $hdec = substr($subst,0,1);
            $ddec = substr($subst,1,2);
            $odec = substr($subst,2,1);
        } elseif (strlen($subst) > 1) { 
            $hdec = 0;
            $ddec = substr($subst,0,2);
                $odec = substr($subst,1,1);
        } else {
            $hdec = 0;
                $ddec = 0;
        $odec = substr($subst,0,1);
        };
        if ($hdec != 0) {
            $result = " " . $wnums[$hdec][0] . "-hundred ";
        } else {
                $result = " ";
        };
        if ($ddec < 20 and 9 < $ddec) {
            $result .= " " . $wnums[$ddec][0];
        } else {
            if ((0 < $hdec or 1 < $trip) and ($i + 1 == $trip) and (0 < $ddec and $ddec < 10)) {
                $result .= "and ";
            };
            if (19 < $ddec) {
                if (! $wnums[$ddec{0}][2]) { $secw = 0; } else { $secw = 2; };
                if (0 < $odec) { $secx = "-"; } else { $secx = " "; };
                $result .= $wnums[$ddec{0}][$secw] . "ty" . $secx;
            };
            if (0 < $odec) {
                $result .= $wnums[$odec][0];        
            };          
        };
        if ($i + 1 < $trip) {
            $result .= " " . $wnums[0][$trip - $i - 1] . "";
        };
    };
    $newresult .= $result . " ";

};
echo "
number: $number
";
echo "
cardinal number: $newresult
";

Again, thanks go out to Bemi Faison who did all the heavy lifting. I am just a humble translator. (I did, I will note, strip out the cool conditionals to transform Bemi's numbers into ordinal notation...because I didn't need it.)

Many a time I've awoken to discover my money clip overflowing with jacksons and my mind equally filled with the knowledge that I am, perversely, poorer than I was the previous morning. How does such a regular event occur? Well, let's retrace my steps.

Near the end of work yesterday, I remembered that Nicole and I were supposed to hit a reception at the Mexican Consulate/Cultural Center for a new nonprofit foundation tied to a young Spanish language network tied to an existing nonprofit network tied to a popular media group in Mexico. After we left work, we eschewed a ride from a co-worker, and instead popped in a cab to head up to Harvard Square.

Once there, Nicole picked up the tab for the cab. Inside, we were treated to a lavish spread, open bar, and tons of media coverage. So much so, in fact, that it was a little daunting. A couple glasses of champagne eliminated that problem, and soon the Azteca America president was talking about how his network would soon grab a 20% market share based on his network's focus on "values". (If this seems like a silly argument to make, you haven't seen enough Telemundo...) The only bad speech contained a reference to a new station being opened in "ar-kansas" followed by a hilarious mention of a new program to help people speak English better. No one else seemed to catch the irony. A series of video clips followed involving all the good work that the Fundacion Azteca has done in Mexico. The fact that they have their own school seemed a little creepy, but the work for burn victims and the poor seemed great. Nicole had to depart for another dinner though, and so my social evening was open again.

A call to Carroll revealed that she and her friends were currently in g-town living it up. Flush with the knowledge that I'd consumed several grant's worth of food and drink, I hailed a taxi and drove over to the non-metro side of town, burring $15 of my emergency twenty and leaving me with a mere $5 (plus credit) to get through the night. Yes, I tipped $7 on an $8. No, it did seem like a good idea at the time. The cabby was particularly nice and got me there swiftly. Plus, I'd already saved tons of money, right?

Once at mie-n-yu, I sat down and ordered a "samurai" which sounded like the most masculine drink offered. A very nice cassandra-esque waitress with far too much eye shadow brought it back later rather than sooner, and after a sip, it revealed itself to be a particularly fruity concoction, despite the high proof nature of the various liquids inside. I proceeded to meet Carroll's new workmates, one of whom possessed the second best name in existence ever. The top three names, of course, are:

1. Isobel
2. Anastasia
3. Sasha

Of course, she was introduced as "osh-ia" which meant I didn't even get to comment on her name until much later. Once I did though, we both agreed that the list was a worthy one, unlike the reaction last week when I told one of Jenna's friends (nee Isobel), who found the Russian names to be "awful" and proceeded to not speak to me again.

A trip downstairs revealed that m-n-y had an elaborate washroom complete with attendant. Bye-bye five dollars! Seriously, he only had $2 in his bucket before I came by, so I felt as if I could hardly make change by stealing the $2 from the little pot. So far, I'd only burned through my emergency jackson though, so I was still feeling financially secure.

Several gimlets later, we decided to call it an evening. Carroll attempted to pay, but I intercepted dark-eyed cassandra and made her take my card instead. The total with tip was two franklins...a little higher than I had anticipated. The remaining triumvirate relocated a few doors down for some food, which nicely Carroll paid for. Several quality discussions later, and I was out the door of said second establishment, hoofing it home to the 'werkz. Briefly I considered stopping by St. Ex for the second year anniversary party (has it really been two years?) but realized it was a far better idea to head to the house, watch some tv and relax.

And that's how I descended from free champagne to a nasty $220 loss in my wallet. The damage was, of course, nicely mitigated by the bills in my money clip, which I haven't had the heart to actually count. Hopefully those too will disappear, perhaps tonight.

Okay, after several months of screwing around, I've finally implemented a couple of changes to the website. For the next few months, any changes I make will be cosmetic, as the work on these few features sapped my energy for coding. Here they all are:

1. First off, users can now register anonymously. I'll be adding text to various pages informing them of this, but for now, the simple way to get an account on the site is to head over to the foreigners section. You sign up, it e-mails you, you login, etc. etc.. Once you do you'll have full access to comments, but you won't be able to add articles/images/etc.

2. Because I will shortly be cutting off all access to the backend for foreigners, I needed a way to allow them to alter their settings. Hence, the newly updated staff pages. From your staff page, you should be able to alter your settings (your picture, information, etc.) without having to go into the backend. Sounds good, right? Well, in the interest of getting the anonymous logins working as quickly as possible, I've disabled almost all of the fields in this new section. Over the next few days, once I've ironed out all the bugs, I'll re-enable the fields so that the founders/friends can make changes without having to go into the backend.

3. I've also added a new section: stuff. It's far from finished yet, but it's tied to the user settings in a way that would've made it difficult to hide. The idea behind stuff is simple: just insert in popular books/movies/cds and then rate them. Later, I'll be tying the reviews section to stuff in a concrete way (so that you can rate a book that you have marked in stuff), as well as displaying a chart of the most popular movies/books/music of all the users on the 'werkz. The really boring complicated stuff is mostly finished though...the rest is just the icing on the cake. Stuff is very alpha-version though, so I'm sure bugs exist. (I know of at least two off the top of my head.) If people could try it out and tell me what works/doesn't work, I'd greatly appreciate it.

4. I just finished this. That means certain links to other sections aren't up yet. But they will be soon.

Along with #4 and #3, I'd like to encourage everyone to e-mail me with bugs/problems. There are tons of them, but I don't know of them all, so the more help you give me, the better. I hope people enjoy the new features, and once they're stable, I can concentrate on making the site look a little more attractive, which is much more fun.

Clearly, Burger King is knocking around the competition, advertisement wise. Their latest? Pimp My Burger. It's actually fairly amusing. Thoughts, Dwight?

Yeah, it was amazing yesterday. I walked all the way home from 17th and Upshur and remembered, yet again, that DC is a great town. Not because of all the cool monuments (though that helps) or the classic beauty of the federal buildings, but because of the simple variation of the residences. Unlike bigger cities, DC doesn't have tons of apartment buildings. Unlike the row-houses of Baltimore, each block in the district contains a huge variety of design, even among row-houses. I'm glad I took advantage of the nice weather...this morning I awoke to rain which rapidly turned into snow, much like the snow that covered the African-American Civil War Memorial last week. On the way to work, again, it blew so hard I couldn't open my mouth or it would be filled with snow.

In boring home purchasing news, I managed to get a new butcher block to replace the one Ronald took. It's not as big and cool, but that actually worked out well, because formerly, Ronald's one was too large to move the Narvik to the side, forcing me to keep my regular counter thing (I forget the IKEAese for it) hidden from view. Now, however, all three are in plain sight.

Except for the large amount of blood I spilled on the block while assembling it (I looked down and my hand was covered in blood...then I saw it had found its way onto the block. Luckily I hadn't placed the final piece on yet, so it's now nicely covered/consecrated.) I'm very happy with it.

And now back to my current coding project of the day: coding cardinality. Sounds fun, right?

It's so damn nice outside it almost hurts.