I am at a place where inaction is the easiest reaction, but it may be the wrong one. Please advise.

In the past two weeks, a past acquaintance has made contact with me. Now this guy was never more than an acquaintance. I was good friends with a couple who had gone to college with him, so for a six month period, we would find ourselves at the same engagements once a month or so. We never had any special bond and I don't even think we ever had a one-on-one conversation...We were just two people with mutual friends. He left my city about two years ago to take a job overseas and I hadn't heard from him since...until recently.

Two weeks ago, he called me at my office from Sri Lanka. We spoke briefly and he referred to a party we had both attended two years ago, saying it was fun. I concurred. He said he was planning to visit my city (he still has many actual friends still here) and I told him to drop me an email when he knew the dates. I mention the mutual friends, but he fails to bite on that as a conversation topic. Conversation ended, because, as he said, phone calls are expensive from Sri Lanka.

Several days later, he called me again, this time on my cell phone. My work voice mail has my cell phone on it so that people can reach me if they are on deadline (the message explicitly makes the distinction that you should leave a message unless it is urgent, in which case you should call the cell. This time he reiterates that he is coming to my city. I express less interest, but still tell him to let me know his plans. He again mentions party we both attended and says that he was high on E the whole time. I say oh, okay and we hang up.

Since the first call he has been sending me emails of articles and such...probably put me on some distribution list. I just delete them, no biggy. He also sent a schedule of his visit, but once again, it was to a large group. Then today he sent me a message just to me, talking about visiting the place he was born in Sri Lanka, blah, blah, and "did I mention that my father is a prince and so I guess I'm royalty," blah, blah, blah. He asks me to please not be reticent to write back.

So, what do I do? I'm not friends with the kid, and am not particularly interested in launching a friendship with him. He doesn't seem to be coming on to me, but at the same time mentioning his royal status might be trying to impress me? My own laziness and lack of interest would probably make me just ignore it all, but please tell me what you think.

Signed,
Dodging the Strange Man in a Strange Land

Helena replies:

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Edward replies:

Okay, Artful Dodger, you've definitely got a problem on your hands. (Well, that could depend on the kid's wealth/size/craziness, I suppose.) The real frustrating part is that, if you're being completely honest, you have almost nothing to do with the current situation. Hypothetically, this guy must have encountered a moment in his travels when he thought of you. Maybe he was lonely and high, maybe he was having some family issues, maybe he had a head injury. Regardless of what caused his conversion to your cult, anyone who strikes up a conversation after a two year absence is treading on thin ice. If you were old friends who just hadn't kept in touch, it'd be different. But if he knew you for only six months before he departed overseas, and you didn't hang out much, chances are he got some sort of serious crush on you and never acted upon it. A pity, really, because if you had shut him down two years ago your current woes wouldn't exist.

Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to be giving advice, right? Well, here goes. The kid's obviously nursed this crazy crutch around for some time, assuming he was infatuated with you over two years ago. When I think back to the privileged few in my past that I didn't hit on yet still found attractive (it's almost an oxymoronic statement, that!), I certainly can't imagine calling them up from a cell-phone half a world away years after the fact. Even if I were desperate to get back in touch with them, I might shoot them an e-mail saying that I had a good time at previous parties and since I was in town I'd like to hang out sometime. And then I'd keep my mouth (and fingers) silent until said return to town. Nothing say sketch quite like forcing yourself into someone else's life. And everyone knows this, including this supposed suitor. So your problem prince is either completely innocent of amorous intentions and just really annoying, or he's a love-starved lunatic looking for cross-world action. Either way, things don't look good.

But your egress routes are limited. Here's what I'd do: tolerate the bulk e-mails for now. Nothing you can do about that. As far as the personal phone-calls and letters are concerned: well, that's what voice-mail and e-mail shine at, right? The cell-phone bit is tougher, but as long as your callerid works, you can avoid his calls. And that's what you should do. Avoid talking to him at all costs. In e-mail, mention that you wouldn't mind hanging out with him and some friends.

And here's the rub: you do have to meet him. Simply blowing him off isn't appropriate. (Or a smart psych move, given his royal lineage. He might be quick-tempered.) Arrange to hang out at some affair with a group of other people. You didn't mention if you were seeing anyone currently...my guess is you aren't, in which case you'd still have to arrange for some guys to take charge of the 'situation'. You could either pretend to be going out with someone, or simply have them dominate the evening and act possesive towards you. Either woudl work. If, on the other hand, you are currently spoken for, simply invite your sig-o out with you, and let him do his male thing. Problem solved even more simply. The tough part is waiting until he's back in town to cut the cords: just pretend you're a famous celebrity with a stalker fan to take the edge off.

Brad replies:

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